The month of November is over, and so are most of the college applications that the seniors should have mostly completed by now (especially for UC's), which means that the nervous wait has already begun.
A lot of people are completely satisfied with their essays, personal statements, and accomplishments that have garnered depth for the student's application(s), and others, including myself, are left standing afraid far amongst the crowd, for fear of rejection, and regret over what has transpired over their current high school career.
"Why didn't I do that one thing that could've looked on my resume for community service?"
"Why didn't I have the courage to do this one little thing that would've changed the way a teacher looked at me in previous grades?"
And "If only I was this way, then my personal essay could've shown more about my artistic character or my hardships, and maybe my grades might even look better than they are right now."
No, I don't know of many people who have actually said this, but judging by the way this school goes about college and CCC business, one could think that these are the things that 99% of the people do in fact care about, obviously because the future is important. And people want to be in a place where they know they'll fit in or be accepted by their peers and equal others, and no one actually wants to fail at anything, right?
There's been a weird kind of deal that comes with every acknowledgment of possible failure, including stuff in and outside of school. That one test in Bio where the chapter was really long and incidentally, it was hard to keep the focus and will to actually read it, and when the test came around the corner, most of the material seems pretty new (unless someone with incredible memory could memorize in the brief stint of time it was mentioned in Mr Spo's or Mrs. Bledsoe's class), and then you realize that you might just fail this. -
- The moment comes when you get the test back, and low-and-behold, you failed. But big deal, this is one of many and you've got a lot of chances to make up the points with other ones, and use this one instance as a learning experience, hopefully. ?
So at first, it's not a big deal, but looking at the paper brings a sense that maybe you might not be good at the class, or that you're methods are wrong, and with the paper in your hands, you can either feel proud that this will be a lesson in the future, and shrug it off like its nothing and go about what ever you were doing or thinking about before, or feel sorry that this was the result, and act like you'll recover (and depending on whether or not you're in front of other people, dignity and pride will prevent you from talking about this as if it were a good thing) in no time. But in this type of school environment, where the kids care about learning, getting good grades, and being the best they can be in front of others who'd want to do the same, who would want to be seen as a weak link?
Being seen as, exactly that, makes a lot of people want to feel pride because asking for help, in many cases, does make people seem weak. Not doing tasks by oneself and other people knowing about it can make it seem like that individual doesn't have all the independence clichés that most adolescents, it turns out, are supposed to have. And one might only be thinking that in this place, where virtually every kid is intelligent and hardworking, there can be no margin of error, because getting help doesn't make you look smart enough, for some reason.
Hypothetically, it's true that when we look in the back of the science or math textbook for the homework answers, even though we haven't understood the material, we don't actually learn anything. It's just a way to regurgitate in our own handwriting, work that doesn't happen to be our own. That's a way that people who don't want help fail in their respective class(es). It might even be that people procrastinate either because they think that if they make the wrong move, they'll fail that assignment and thus give themselves more time until the last minute, or they think the work is pointless and would rather work on something that's more enjoyable. And in the end, everyone hates procrastinating because it prevents us from getting the desired sleep, but someone can only wonder why we never cease to stop doing it for the most part.
So we procrastinated here and there and didn't do all the things we wanted to do or accomplish during this stint in high school, and yes, there's a lot of regret involved which is made worse by the fact that we can't go back in time and redo our life the way we wanted. Well more often than not, this might be due to thinking more about the long term results than the process itself.
Someone once said that regret, is basically permanent. Think of it as a mark, or scar, on a tree that can never go away and mend itself. That mark might be permanent, but the tree itself, doesn't have to stay the same. More branches can grow around the trunk where the scar is, more leaves can grow and flowers can form and bloom, covering that ugly spot. We can't really get rid of regret, but we can outgrow it with more experiences, having more good times to remember that happened after that one regret formed in the past.
The process matters if we make of it an opportunity to ask for help, something that honestly, no human can get by without in life, living or nonliving (an outside force, nonetheless), because we shouldn't be afraid of it just because we think that some other people might see us as weak due to the fact. And we might get rejected by a few colleges here and there, either because that university might not be looking for someone like us, or because we don't have enough things on our resume. But even there's just as much, actually more opportunities in college that anyone can take advantage of, even if the social life or the good grades might not come immediately upon our arrival.
Stick to a path that makes you truly happy, because there'll always be someone that is there to help you; someone that you might meet in college, or develop a great friendship or intimacy. And because it's still the first semester of the senior year, this is technically the final stretch that you nee to get through before a college can think about accepting you, just try not to worry so much about it and focus on the present.
A lot of stuff is easier said than done, and I'm pretty guilty of procrastinating and being afraid of having a wrong answer in class and socratic seminars, but I guess this stuff is advice on just how to better approach anything. This post was also honestly all over the place and kind of disorganized and really long (and no one will probably read this anyway lol) but it's kinda just a way to think about 'what now?' after submitting all the college stuff :)
