Life can be easy for some, hard for others, and sometimes impossible to bear for a few, but, for the most part, a common thread shared by all, that shapes humanity, is a fear that each person has depending on where they come from, what talents they might have, and what others around them tend to be like. Of course, as I mentioned before, life can be simple for a select few that might have not experienced the same type of fears and pain that others have felt (in general), but because each person is different, each fear that shapes who that person is, is different, and those with similar fears always have different nuances in their behavior(s).
In any random high school class, there are some people who love to convey their thoughts and ask open-minded questions because he/she believes that sharing his/her opinions has merit and significance in the learning process, or perhaps he/she just likes to speak. There are some who don't really care whether or not they talk about something in class, and there are a few who want to be able to have the power to bring out their thoughts, but always have something that holds them back, and/or have a fear that they won't be able to convince others that their opinions matter (like me). Sure, one can say that the whole concept of free will is to prove that fate is determined by the way a person chooses to live his/her own life, but for the most part, many lack that extra edge to use their resource(s) to their advantage (if there is one at all). Usually, a fear can be integrated into one's thoughts and mannerisms, which shapes what we do and why we do it, and, being creatures of habit, once we begin to let our certain fear(s) dictate what we do and how we behave, it can be difficult to change our habits, good or bad.
A personal pet peeve of mine is actually being called upon by a teacher to answer some question that he/she wants answered, and, depending on how proficient or how knowledgeable I am in the subject material, I fear certain classes and activities more so than others. As a violist in the symphony orchestra, it's important that I play with a passionate feeling and nature that compliments the music and other instruments in the group, and, having been playing classical stringed instruments for such a long time, it's fine for me to play an instrument with others in a musical group. When playing with other people, pressure is taken off because it's easier to fit one's musical sound and tone in with other instrumentalists, but when playing a solo in front of others, the pressure to play well increases, and it even makes me afraid of sounding bad that I find my abilities actually worsen when I'm in that sort of situation. The last thing I would want to do is actually sound like a not-so-good violist in front of others, to the point that I would refuse to play by myself, for fear of being judged.
Ironically, such is the case in music theory class, where I realized my theory abilities were not so great compared to those of others (who have actually taken a music theory class). Thus, fifth period is the time I fear the most during the day because I don't know the material as well as others, and the teacher, who knows I don't know much about the course material, always calls on me (which I guess is supposed to make me better and want to succeed). For me, every time I mess up in that class, I get a feeling to improve and not look bad next time in front of other people, but for some reason, I always get to the point where I feel like I don't want to try improve, because I feel like I can never reach perfection in the subject material that I so desire to achieve. The same goes for a musical solo that sounds great when you listen to someone else perform it; that recording sounds so good that you'd want to perform the piece just the way it sounded, but something prevents you from attempting to try it because you feel you could never play it the same way another person could. That's the way a person like me feels everyday, not just applying to a musical piece.
In the past, I've had some warranted (and some unwarranted) fears that someone like my dad or mom, is trying to live vicariously, through me. I happened to be a child of someone who loved to play sports, and I also somehow managed to pick up the desire to play soccer (which later turned out fitting because I happen to be at just the right height of 5'7 now). I was enrolled in club soccer at an early age because, supposedly, I happened to be good at it a certain point, and most of my time spent involved playing soccer. As time went on however, my parents gradually became more concerned with my ability and how I approached competition. They began scowling at me during games and reprimanding me for doing something wrong to the point of being flat-out demeaning, and, naturally, I lost interest in what I was doing because I felt like I was only there to prove to the parents that I wasn't a failure, and I only participated in the events and soccer because I was so concerned with failing that I developed a loathing for it, to the point where I couldn't practice or try hard anymore because I felt I could never reach anyone else's expectations and wishes, for fear of being judged.
Once a person's fears begin to dictate the way he/she lives for such a long period of time, it becomes increasingly difficult to change the way a person is, as Plato's cave metaphor demonstrates. If a group of people, Plato states, was forced into a dark cave, and made to live in darkness for many years, whilst seeing only a reflection of a light source, the only knowledge the group would know would be darkness itself, with only a faint source (reflected light from a torch) as a 'truth' that is unknown to anyone in the group to a full extent. After many years, if the group of people were led out of the cave, and shown pure light directly from the sun, they would all be blinded by the true source that they would never comprehend, having never been subject to the light from the sun. Being uncomfortable with newfound knowledge that looking at the 'truth' is hurtful, and having been living in darkness for many years, the same group would no longer be relieved to be led out into the new world, and would only want to retreat back into the cave that they all knew so well.
Thus some people fear that the unknown contains too many negative consequences to risk attempting to change, and while life for some can be simple, living for others can be an unbearable burden that we wish could lessen in weight off our shoulders, but the way we are is dictated by fear, however small or impactful the fear(s) may be, I'm shaped with the constant thought that I doubt my own ability, to even act as a human being with even a slight opinion or say in my actions.
